Comments on Vista

Vista is like a whore. Very pretty and exciting on the outside, but you really do not want to find out what evil lies inside...

Questions.

"Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to." We've heard that a million times, but also;
Don't ask a question you don't want to answer yourself...

Looks like not.

I stopped by my friend Paul's house, There was fine cognac involved. I'll write it tomorrow.

I'm very bummed that Richard Sylvan MD. Passed...

Some continuing thoughts.

Gary was right, (Sort of.) I'm a dumb ass...


I was talking to my good friend Gary about my last post and he disagreed with me. His arguments were many, but one was along the lines of "If you love something, you should protect it from harm." This was in response to my thought of, "If they leave, Let them go, because they think they found something better. (And by extension, if you really love them, you would want them to have the best, no matter who that is.)
His response was "what if they aren't better?"
I said "Then you welcome them back with open arms."
He called bullshit, claiming that you should protect them.
True, but I couldn't think of a reasonable response at the time. so I let it go.
But. I've been thinking about it, and I still stand behind my original premise.
Why?
Well, I'm glad you asked. It goes like this.
You don't know. That's it, really. You don't know if the other person is better or worse, and, after you have discounted the obvious failures like alcoholics, drug addicts and lawyers, you really can't tell. So, you just have to let them find out on their own. Now obviously you think you are better than everyone, (Not if you are honest with yourself, but I digress.) but it's really a mattter of who is better for her not better overall.
And only she can tell.
And yes, perhaps there will be pain. That's part of life. You try to protect those you love from pain, but there is plain sometimes when you cant. Pain is just part of life. Pain is an integral part of growth.
That's just the way it is.
So, If you want them to grow, and not completely isolate them, you need to let them experience life, and part of that is making their own decisions. Some of those decisions will be wrong. Sometimes neither of you will see them until it's too late. (Because you are making mistakes and poor decisions of your own, and hopefully listening to her when she's right.) Those wrong decisions will cause pain.
So the answer is simple. You counsel them when asked, train and teach them when asked, and let them make their own decisions. That's all you can do. Now you can lay down some ground rules, and you must stick to them or it will burn you later, so make sure they are well thought out and reflective of your core beliefs. For example, I don't mind if mine wants to try elsewhere, but I want to know about it before hand, because I've told her that there are some people that I will never take her back from. Some for health reasons, some because psychologically I couldn't tolerate it. This is something that I must be inflexible on. Anything else would be destructive to my psyche. But, I have really thought this out, played out scenarios in my mind, and not with some nameless "Her" but, really her. It was what I had to do.
The end result is the same, If you love them, you have to let them find out what is best for them. (You also have to be aware of what is best for you.)
Besides, I really don't want someone who is with me because they feel trapped. Like they have to stay with me because I trapped them into wearing a ring or something equally stupid. I don't want them constantly looking around and thinking, "I wonder if I should have gone with him instead." I want them to stay with me because they honestly like me, because they honestly think I am the best thing that ever happened to them. It is only that kind of certainly that will create the kind of open, sharing, complete love that I need in a relationship. That is what I offer in a relationship, so that is what I expect.
Nothing less will do.
That's another of the "Just the way it is."'s I won't settle for less. I did that twice. Never again.

I have some more notes from a very interesting chat today about culture and what defines culture and a touch of religion, but this is long and will stand on it's own. I think I'll go home and finish that there. If you're lucky you'll see it yet tonight. Perhaps there'll be more good discussion about this as well...

This is why you have to be careful with fire! No i didn't light it, nor was i tasked to watch it,