Wasting space resources!?

DOES SOMEONE WANT TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THE f&*( WE THREW AWAY PERFECTLY GOOD SOLAR PANELS!?

Test blog from the new blackberry.

Test blog from the new BlackBerry Curve.

A thought on how to live life -

Come as you are, do what you must, be who you will.

Love always.

The problem with most volunteer orgs.

Here is an excerpt of a chat I had with a couple people about the state of volunteerism, and what to do to about it? I have removed all names except for the people and group they represent. (SEDS Canada.) I also removed a few innanities.

I'll put all of the important parts together in a later post, but for now, here is the entire conversation.

seds canada has joined.

Stefan De Young has joined.

Seds: go ahead,stefan, care to explain to paul in a nutshell how you are feeling?

you want guidance from inspired experienced people?

you want to do awesome things, but you need a direction?

Stefan De Young: What I was looking for, when I joined SEDS, was a path to the stars, what I found was another organisation in search of that same path

this leaves me frustrated

for the past three years, I have guided a group of highschool friends to try and find the path

when I left highschool, I thought I could find someone to guide me

seds: ok... seds canada may be another organization in search of that same path,

but the difference between it and other organizations is that we have people like bob supporting us when we ask for it.

Stefan De Young: I'm frustrated that when I was looking for someone to write me a strategic plan, SEDS asked me to write it for them

Stefan De Young: that's the gist

seds: well, you can feel some solace... shawna has now taken the plan, and is doing some pretty awesome things with it...

but I want to be sure you appreciate how much you -have- contributed!

me: All volunteer orgs are going to be looking for talent. To add to that, there really is no "Right path to the stars". Just the one that will work for you. (The resources and talent you have available.) So, If someone starts to suggest a better what, Volunteer orgs will grab that and run

seds: stefan -what I recommend you do is get involved in paul's project (OpenLuna) for a while, until shawna finishes her re-write of the plan.

Stefan De Young: hmm

seds: his is the team that will actually get you to the stars

Stefan De Young: hold on a sec, though

seds: what seds will be doing is helping him put together that team.

Stefan De Young: I need to tell you what irks me the most about my involvement with SEDS

seds:

Stefan De Young: the thing that has brought me the most troubled thoughts is this:

when I drafted a framework for the Strategic Plan, I asked the more experienced exec to write in the actual goals of the organisation

I waited a week

then two

and finally, I gave up waiting for the people who had been there longer than I, that period being anything longer than three weeks

I drafted the goals for SEDS Canada

I drafted five years worth of goals

I look at the most recent version of the Strategic Plan, and all of the goals I drafted are there

nearly verbatim

I felt and feel that when I joined the executive of the National Student Space Coalition

that there should already be some sense of what we were there to do, so that when I asked for the goals, any one of the exec could have told me what we were doing

anyways

that's what bugged me

that I had to set up the goals

me: reading this, then leaving.

seds: the goal of seds Canada has always been to build a national student space network.

the seconary goals that that would help achieve are many and varied,

and the steps to setting that up could also be considered many and varied.

I don't remember the weeks long waiting period you mention, though I have no coubt it happened.

seds: all I can do is appologis for if we let you down.

Stefan De Young: maybe I just joined at the wrong time...I know that I need structure to work effectively, maybe I should wait until SEDS can provide me with that structure to pitch in and do my bit

seds: it may have been that we were very busy, or depressed, or anything...

actually, at that point, shawna was not with us, and I think nasim and adytia were working on the summit already?

not sure what john was up to...

so the fact that you got nothing from them is understandable...

Stefan De Young: I don't think I've even met Adytia or Nasim...

seds: for my part, it is not un-usual for me to start something, then wait three weeks before finishing it.

Stefan De Young: to me, they're only names

I guess we subscribe to different work philosophies

seds: you need to come to the summit in November at Mcgill.

if you can't afford it, we will get money from bob.

but you need to come.

you have earned it.

put it this way.

when I got involved in seds, there was even less there than there is now!

there was Melissa, and a bunch of other people.

and Bob...

and Clara..

we essentially build the organization up from scratch!

there was no constitution, no website, no proposal,

no bank account, nothing!

there weren't any other executives either!

for the first year it was just sasha and zhara and me... and some other people online, like scott moon, and

Ryan Kobrick...

none of these people are active any-more...

even clara and john are less visible...

sad, really...

yes. I quite understand you.

this is what bob was referring to with the sustainability thing.

''and enduring national structure''é.

yes.

join pauls group,

and come chat with us in a week or so

Stefan De Young: what does that entail?

seds: pauls project?

Stefan De Young: "joining the group"

seds: ya. again, it is only just starting up...

I hate to say it, but it might be somewhat similar to seds...

in terms of you having to define your own project...

only this time, instead of totally in-experienced people like the rest of the exec,

the people you will be working with will be highly experienced people like paul, and gary, and others.

where you want to be is at the table when the Canadian space organizations have their round table meeting at the summit.

-that- is where you feel like you are in the cradle, rocked by the hands of the masters...

it's a good feeling.

for my part, I suppose I should say that every now and again I can contact people like kirk kittell, melissa battler, and paul and others, and ask them for advice...

Stefan De Young: well, that's what I have you for, right?

seds: so I at least have -some- contact with my ''betters''

Stefan De Young: Mr. President

seds:

I do what I can

me: OK, Here's part of the eal.

ALL groups are in trouble right now.

seds: that's really my only defense... I may make mistakes, and do, but I am always trying my best...

hmmm?...

ok...

all groups are in trouble?

me: Volunteerism is at an all time low. Everyone is hurting, it seems that no one has time to do anything but feed themselves.

seds: ... keep talking, please!

me: The X is having a record low # of X apps, there is only a few volunteers, the X all but folded up, X is for all practical purposes down to the board, the X has little more than paid staff. every group seems to be in a "Hero centric" mode.

seds: HS. you serious?

me: Meaning there are only a very few people doing all of the work, and that is what the membership expects. Many of them don't even bother staying members. they just watch from the outside.

Some people drift in, do a little work, realize how tough their lives are and get back out.

It's not just space groups, it's all of them.

seds: examples?

me: Mostly what you see is people at one shot events, (Like conferences, although the X's have been steadily dwindling, last years was the lowest, the year before that was and so on.)

The other thing you see is that a person or group will actively participate in a single "Heroic" event, then they are off for a bit.

seds: is this unique to Canada, or is it international? do you know?

me: (The X as an example.) North America as far as I know, but I understand it may be world wide.

Stefan De Young: So how did we get here, and how do we get out? Do we need a hero to dig us an escape or what?

me: So, The real question, is how do you operate in that kind of an environment, right?

seds: ya...

me: We got here, well, I have my conspiracy theories, but between the crappy economy and TV, we were screwed from that alone.

seds: ...

hmmm...

me: As far as how do we get out? We don't

It won't get better until the economy get's better.

We learn how to work inside this new environment.

seds: you are taking a very pessimistic view... give us something more than that?

inspire us, please!

me: Not pessimistic, realistic.

seds: convince us that there is something we can do that will make everything better!

that is what we all want to believe, basically.

we are fighting for it...

me: The situation has turned to shit. BUT! We can still work with these new rules, and use them to our advantage and perhaps even win better than before!

Because the difference is in the peak.

seds: reality may be reality, but we have to have a vision of what is better, if we are to go about making it so.

Stefan De Young: The difference is in which peak?

The prizes that stand to be won?

How, when there is such a high activation energy do we ever hope to make lasting bonds?

me: In the "Old Days" people would have a certain peak level to which they were willing to volunteer to. They would go to meetings, once in a while a fund raiser or special event.

But a regular, low lever of effort.

NOW, The we get less overall effort, but the individual effort is far higher.

Stefan De Young: your classic "hero-centric" model

Sent at 1:14 AM on Friday

me: so we get a few people doing a great deal of work for a short while, (the Heroes) and they archive greater project victories than could be done before, but they burn them selves out in the process. (X and X for examples.)

seds: (note -this is precisely what I am trying to avoid, and may be precisely why you got no response from me for three weeks...)

this is not an excuse.

me: then you have some leader/heroes that can stay on for multiple of these huge push projects, and become the hero/leader core. even they burn out eventually though. (Mel as an example.) they don't always drop out completely, but change focus for a while.\

seds: I obviously should have made a greater efforté

.

so you believe that X is totally burned out?

sad...

Stefan De Young: No, a better question is, what are the new rules of engagement, Paul?

seds: sure

me: But you are right, Michael, you have to stay on board, so although you operate at a higher pace, you need to maintain a level that you can live with. That's what you did.

X isn't totally burned out, but her activities put a serious hurt on her life, and she needs to rebuild that. She'll be back.

New rules of engagement... That /IS/ the question.

seds: well, we will do what we can to encourage her recovery

convince her that she is not alone

and you, while we are at it...

do you consider yourself close to burning out?

rather personal question...

me: Simple, You either decide to become the hero leader, the hero worker, or the worker. There is nothing better or worse about any of them, they are all just different and all equally required. then from there, you pick the project that you feel is worthy of your time and run with it.

(and, Yes, I do, that's why I am only barely involved in the Engineering Team right now, and have all but completely left the US Mars Society. I am moving to other things for a while. But I still pay dues...

seds: interesting...

deja vu...

the same thing with the unicycling...

you hear about something amazing happening, and want to be part of it..

but by the time you get to it, the people who were doing it have done it, are moving on...

are ''burned out''...

so if you really want to be part of something amazing, you need to be there from the begining, slogging through all the hard work...

me: Then, as a leader, you develop smaller project chunks, put together a team of heroes and workers, blast out the project, collect any that survived, (And make sure all see how "Richly they are rewarded", Many heroes are just last cycles workers who wanted to get what they saw the last heroes getting.) and do it again, until the big project is finished.

seds: it's like the stock market.

if you wait until the stock is high to invest, you will loose your money.

it is all about buying in when something is low, then hoping (or working toward) making it higher...

me: This is why the Hero/leaders are so important now, because they keep the overall vision consistant, and that is vitally important.

The quickest way I know to blow an organization out is to have consistantly changing goals. Then no one feels like they are actually doing any thing important.

seds: an example of an organization with consistently changing goals?

Stefan De Young: SEDS Canada

me: The last X unit I was involved in.

MSC.

seds: you think all of our organizations have consistently changing goals?

me: they shouldn't.

seds: the goals seem pretty obvious to me...

msc is all about mars exploration research and outreach,

seds is about networking people and getting them involved in cool projects...

me: The thing that is right beside ever changing is stagnate goals, and it's that one that is affecting us X.

seds: the astronautic games are supo

me: See, neither of those are real goals.

(Mars research & outreach, Networking.)

Those aren't goals, they are processes.

seds: supposed to get everybody working together on -one- big project that encompasses all the others, and is interesting, and relevant...

me: A goal has a finish line. What is the finish line in"Outreach"?

seds: oh...

hold on -that's not fair...

by that definition, an organization -must- have constantly changing goals!

me: Then, develop that one big project. (Your games might be a good one.) and make every activity directly relate to achieving that goal, through your operational processes.

Sort of.

seds: otherwise it would exist for the time required to achieve the goal, and then it would fold!

Stefan De Young: Exactly

that's what we need

we need to get a goal that we can achieve

achieve it

me: Not constantly /changing/ goals, constantly /evolving/ goals.

Stefan De Young: then fold up and move on to the next goal

we have to achieve something before we start throwing ourselves at the next project

seds: ok. so the project of seds canada is to write the strategic plan.

me: and develop the next goal /in a logical next in line/ to the last goal

seds: and we are almost done (

Stefan De Young: that's a good project, unfortunately we've gotten mired down in it

seds: thank's in no small part to you, Stefan)

Stefan De Young: we don't know how to deal with paper, and we're spending too much time focusing on this one plan

seds: no, we have not got mired down in it.

we are producing something pretty darn awesome.

me: (Mired down is in the eye...)

Stefan De Young: meanwhile, we're not an organization because we're got no one to organise

SEDS is supposed to network, but all we are is a bunch of enthused executives

seds: you may not think so, but I think the only reason (or at least a major one) why shawna has been able to do what she is doing with the plan, is because of all the work we already put into it.

our effort stimulated her to put in her two dollars worth.

this comes down to presentation.

me: People, I should go to bed soon, I need to get up in five hours.

Stefan De Young: I love what she's written, Mike, but why has it taken six months to get our primary goals down on paper?

seds: I have been asking myself for two years now whether we should approach the other seds chapters before we have a website.

I have had this idea in my mind that they will not be interested in us unless we have a nice site, etc.

was I wrong?

should we begin broadcasting ourselves to the world?

what do we tell them?

Stefan De Young: But where would the content on the website come from if you have no one submitting it

We're not SEDS Canada until we have chapters

Paul talks about the hero centric volunteerism

we need to get people in if we want to get away from that

seds: paul is right... it is 1:30 in the morning...

me: you both have good points RE: plan and time...

Stefan De Young: we need to stop worrying about this one silly piece of paper and call up the people who pledged themselves fifteen years ago to find out where they are

seds: and in order to have chapters, you have to prove to them that it is worth their while to be a chapter of us.

in this sense, we are a business.

Stefan De Young: and this is coming from me: the man who draws endless plans to the exclusion of action

seds: their membership is what we want to get from them.

if they get nothing in return... well, we won't get their membership.

Stefan De Young: and they stand to gain an easily derailed executive body

I'm not a paragon of productivity, and it seems to me that none of us are

seds: so, you going to start calling up chapters?

Stefan De Young: therefore it stands to reason that we need more workers

seds: excellent

Stefan De Young: the saying is that many hands make light work

seds: I totally agree.

I actually sent out many e-mails about a week ago...

Stefan De Young: however, strategy dictates that each command level holds fewer members than the one below it

seds: I believe I sent you a copy of what I sent out...

Stefan De Young: we have an overstaffed executives executing nothing for no one

seds: strange...

I have a question for you.

at first I was director of chapters relations. I decided that what was most needed was a website,, to provide services to chapters.

seds: at least get a list of who our members -were-.

thank's paul.

Stefan De Young: alright, Paul, I will do so

seds: we are almost done...

then we got Nasim involved,

we saw how far the website was coming, we made Nasim director of chapters relations (I don't remember how many chapters i contacted...), and I became webmaster.

I did that for two years.

then they promoted me to president.

Nasim took on the summit...

so at this point, we have Nasim with the title of director of chapters relations, but not doing anything.

we need to shift that title to somebody else.

and I have my hands full keeping everybody together, because we -do-, despite your frustrations, have many people working on this.

so. it seems pretty obviously that you should be our director of chapters relations, if nothing else

Stefan De Young: they were right to promote you to president; you have boundless optimism and a talent for subtle delegation

seds: (you were only director of strategic planing because you took on the challenge of the strategic plan...

thanks

so, we will make you vp of chapters relations and recruitment, and get you to contact all those people out there!

me: That is an interesting point, In this new Hero centric world, when there are no Heroes, everything takes longer...

seds: ya. no kidding

it is sad though, that there seem to be only one level of heroes...

there are the masses, there are you and me...

and who else?

X and paul (who paul claims are both burned out)

and there is bob,

me: You can choose to be sad, or you can choose to accept the excitement oif the new environment and run with it.

seds: who we all feel is so high and mighty that we dare not speak to him for fear of bugging him...

me: And, I'm not actually burned, I just needed a change of project, but still keep up with the old one, I was trying to /keep/ from being burned out.

Stefan De Young: indeed

seds: for my part, I recognize that no matter how many people »I know, and how much paperwork I generate,

nothing will equal the thrill of working on my glider, getting it up in the air, then putting other people in it and getting -them- up in the air.

me: That is the end result of it all. What does it take to make your Soul sing?

seds: it is all about locaL development. act local, think local.

strange... that is a total contradiction of what we are discussing....

time for bed.

Stefan De Young: I agree

seds: there is logic in that last statement, but it will take too long to explain...

chat about it tomorrow

Stefan De Young: hm.

seds: night.

Stefan De Young: indeed

seds: phiew...

Neighbors

Neighbors

I want several.

I want one!

Another normal sunset.

Comments on Vista

Vista is like a whore. Very pretty and exciting on the outside, but you really do not want to find out what evil lies inside...

Questions.

"Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to." We've heard that a million times, but also;
Don't ask a question you don't want to answer yourself...

Looks like not.

I stopped by my friend Paul's house, There was fine cognac involved. I'll write it tomorrow.

I'm very bummed that Richard Sylvan MD. Passed...

Some continuing thoughts.

Gary was right, (Sort of.) I'm a dumb ass...


I was talking to my good friend Gary about my last post and he disagreed with me. His arguments were many, but one was along the lines of "If you love something, you should protect it from harm." This was in response to my thought of, "If they leave, Let them go, because they think they found something better. (And by extension, if you really love them, you would want them to have the best, no matter who that is.)
His response was "what if they aren't better?"
I said "Then you welcome them back with open arms."
He called bullshit, claiming that you should protect them.
True, but I couldn't think of a reasonable response at the time. so I let it go.
But. I've been thinking about it, and I still stand behind my original premise.
Why?
Well, I'm glad you asked. It goes like this.
You don't know. That's it, really. You don't know if the other person is better or worse, and, after you have discounted the obvious failures like alcoholics, drug addicts and lawyers, you really can't tell. So, you just have to let them find out on their own. Now obviously you think you are better than everyone, (Not if you are honest with yourself, but I digress.) but it's really a mattter of who is better for her not better overall.
And only she can tell.
And yes, perhaps there will be pain. That's part of life. You try to protect those you love from pain, but there is plain sometimes when you cant. Pain is just part of life. Pain is an integral part of growth.
That's just the way it is.
So, If you want them to grow, and not completely isolate them, you need to let them experience life, and part of that is making their own decisions. Some of those decisions will be wrong. Sometimes neither of you will see them until it's too late. (Because you are making mistakes and poor decisions of your own, and hopefully listening to her when she's right.) Those wrong decisions will cause pain.
So the answer is simple. You counsel them when asked, train and teach them when asked, and let them make their own decisions. That's all you can do. Now you can lay down some ground rules, and you must stick to them or it will burn you later, so make sure they are well thought out and reflective of your core beliefs. For example, I don't mind if mine wants to try elsewhere, but I want to know about it before hand, because I've told her that there are some people that I will never take her back from. Some for health reasons, some because psychologically I couldn't tolerate it. This is something that I must be inflexible on. Anything else would be destructive to my psyche. But, I have really thought this out, played out scenarios in my mind, and not with some nameless "Her" but, really her. It was what I had to do.
The end result is the same, If you love them, you have to let them find out what is best for them. (You also have to be aware of what is best for you.)
Besides, I really don't want someone who is with me because they feel trapped. Like they have to stay with me because I trapped them into wearing a ring or something equally stupid. I don't want them constantly looking around and thinking, "I wonder if I should have gone with him instead." I want them to stay with me because they honestly like me, because they honestly think I am the best thing that ever happened to them. It is only that kind of certainly that will create the kind of open, sharing, complete love that I need in a relationship. That is what I offer in a relationship, so that is what I expect.
Nothing less will do.
That's another of the "Just the way it is."'s I won't settle for less. I did that twice. Never again.

I have some more notes from a very interesting chat today about culture and what defines culture and a touch of religion, but this is long and will stand on it's own. I think I'll go home and finish that there. If you're lucky you'll see it yet tonight. Perhaps there'll be more good discussion about this as well...

This is why you have to be careful with fire! No i didn't light it, nor was i tasked to watch it,

Another new leaf.

I've gotten into twitter. If you want to know what I'm doing day to day and occasionally minute to minute, this is it.

I am trying to get my shit together. I realize that Time management is killing me.
Reading these blog posts are helping me. You should read them too.

I am also seeing a trend in some bloggers, to where they will just blog a paragraph or two, and don't need to blog a multi-page novella. They also blog some fairly self-serving things. (I don't know why I considered that wrong, after all, it is my blog.) So you will start seeing some of that.
(In that realm, I am going to start to build Habs for people. If you want one, let me know. I have a team, including a real licensed (Why do I have such a hard time spelling that word?) professional builder, and several of the Engineering Team to help. These will be extremely energy efficient, and could be self-sufficient. Next stage will be extremely energy efficient appliances and building techniques. The overall idea is to reduce the cost of living. Someday I'll add transportation to that. I've been wanting to build electric and hybrids for a long time, like 26 years now.)

I'm also going to use this to time stamp some of my ideas, because I am ever so sick and tired of inventing so fracking many things and never getting any credit for them. I find it perpetually maddening that I've thought of so much, but for lack of financing or whatever can never develop them to market, and then loose the idea to someone else.

For example, I have ideas in the form of robotic controls using VR tech, but in real life, or a method for "transmitting" smell over a wire, (Really a way of synthetically creating smells controlled by a piece of software.) or a way of storing H2 cheaply, or a way of doing VR SO much better than it is being done now. I need to check with someone to see just how much information I could leave here.

And I have a bunch of pictures. I think I will not post too many here, but from the phone camera (I need to get a better one.) I'll leave the pictures on Facebook.

I also still feel like I need to censor this blog, so I will create another one that I won't drop so much personally identifiable information, but I actually will say anything and everything I feel. That is where the real me will live. You'll have to find it on your own.

Lastly, I'll start throwing out some of the less controversial or illegal thoughts here.

For example, I am starting to hate people in general, with very few exceptions. I saw something on TV a while ago, and it really made me hurt. It was a bit of video of someone crying. An adult. That made me hurt on so many levels. It made me cry because what whas making him cry was caused by another person. I couldn't understand what was going on in the offending person's head to cause them to make someone else that much suffering. "Why?" I thought, "What could be driving you so that you would want to cause someone that much suffering that they would cry on TV?" People like that should not be allowed to live. Life is too short, rare or not, to allow this kind of suffering. What kind of a cruel fuck could do this to someone else?

It also made me think, Some times you don't have a choice. It makes me wonder about personal interaction. Now, in this case, the evil fuck's intentions were just that, evil, he intended to cause harm for power selfish, greedy reasons. but what about the other reason for that kind of suffering? What about Love? It is one thing to curb selfish desires. There is nothing positive that can come from that, but what about Love? I can't love everyone, well, not like that. And, the one who loves me, but I do not love will suffer. What can be done about that? I don't know. But it certainly adds force to my feeling that I can, and do love many. I never have understood the need for people to only love one other. I think it mostly comes from insecurity, a lack of self-esteem, and when we know who we are, and truly accept who we are, and love ourselves, and don't depend on the love of another we won't feel the need to try to "Keep what we have". Once we are past that, we can truly Love without inhibition, and without fear. If she leaves me? So? I obviously wasn't what she needed. To try to "Keep her" is nothing but a pitiful attempt to force my will on her, and means that I don't truly love her. If I did, I would want the best for her. Even if that best wasn't me. So, I guess the "If you love it, set it free" is indeed true. The next logical extension from that is the complete lack of jealousy. If I was jealous, that would mean that I was fearful that the other she is with might be better than me, and then, she would see that and go on to them. OK, So what. If they are better for her, (and I need to add that for me, because I can't say that they are better than me everywhere.) then I would want her to go to them, or I don't really have their best interests at heart, and I don't really love them. This same thought process also means that I shouldn't mind sharing. Now, I have some issues with sharing for various medical and biological issues. (For one thing, if their is a child, who's is it? I know, we could test, but that's a pain, and expensive, and so on.) I understand I might be flawed in my thinking here, and I invite open even anonymous comments on this topic, but I do think I am heading in the right direction.

All of that sounds hilarious coming from me, considering I am the king of self-loathing, but I guess I had a RAH inspired moment of clarity. Perhaps if we all could understand that, life would be simpler? Probably not. People aren't that smart, they are too driven by there basal feelings, and it is easier to stay there. (Read "Time enough for love" some time.)

It also made me hate some people even more. Those who enjoy the suffering of others, those who plan to take advantage of others, those who willingly cause the suffering or others. I do not understand them, and I hope to never become one of them. It's tough sometimes. (Read the post from the other blog. And when I start it, I've just given you enough to find it.)

I think that's enough for now. Probably too much.

Publishing as a poor man's patent.

I was reading an article on Data Center Best Practices

and was thinking how F'ing stupid can these people be. They can have damn near all the cooling they want for free. (Well, the price of pump power.)

Just pump the cooling water underground!

Duh! 50 degree cooling all day or night long in any weather!

Damn it, Why do people get paid the kind of money they do for the garbage they produce, when I can't even get a loan for a cheap car.

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